How to find balance while walking the tightrope of motherhood — Part 2

Today’s post on The Power of Balance is the second in a four-part series from The Power of Moms author Amanda Hamilton Roos. Read Part 1 here.

This week we’ll continue to discuss the Amazing High-wires of Motherhood.

The Third Act: Listening to the good advice of others while following your own motherly intuition.

I knew my first baby was going to be a boy. His name was seared in my brain. When the baby kicked I pictured a little rough and tumble boy. I had visions of walking into the house and seeing my boys (dad and his baby) wrestling. And then the baby was a girl. I jokingly said, “Well, obviously I have no motherly intuition!” and I loved her completely.

When baby number two came around, I knew it would be a girl. I had visions of sisters fighting, laughing, and loving each other. He was a boy. Finally, the third time around, I just couldn’t believe that I could be wrong about my feelings and I was sure I was having a girl. Then we had the ultrasound. Well, what do you think?

See, I have motherly intuition in reverse.

We mothers can get so down on ourselves as we focus only on the times we get it wrong. We forget that we are our biggest strength. As April Perry wrote, your children need you. You do have motherly intuition (even if it’s in reverse, like mine) and you do know what’s best for your kids. The trick is to listen to yourself.

When we tell my oldest daughter about the day she was born we always end with, “And, incredibly, they let us take you home even though we had no idea what we were doing!” But we did. We didn’t know how to survive the night, but we knew to love her and protect her and treat her like a person who would be in our lives forever. We knew to approach parenting thoughtfully and patiently. We didn’t know when a baby should eats solids or how to swaddle, but we knew to hold her–a lot.

And we knew we would have help. There are so many wonderful resources for a mother. You can surround yourself with good mothers and fathers, grandparents, friends. You don’t need to go it alone. There is so much collective parenting wisdom out there. Don’t ignore it.

But there is also a lot of bad parenting advice out there, and it’s okay not to follow it when it doesn’t resonate with you. For me, I found my balance when my kids were starting school. We were living in Mexico at the time, and in the town in which we lived most kids started full time school at three years old. That did not jive with me, but I was a new mom living in metaphorical and literal foreign territory so I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to do what was best for my daughter and I wanted to feel good about it. That didn’t happen. I started her in school and we were both miserable. Not just because she wasn’t adjusting, but also because I felt betrayed. I was going against the little voice inside of my heart that said, “This isn’t right!”

As I’ve already shown, I do things in reverse, so I learned how to find my balance from losing it. Now it is time for my son to start kindergarten. He is five, but I don’t think he’s ready so we’ll wait another year. My heart says that’s okay.

In Tightrope Walker Part 3 we’ll ask the question: How do you walk the line between being The Mom and also having a true parenting partnership?

Question: How have you found your “motherly intuition”? What advice would you give to someone who is doubting herself?

Challenge: Write a letter thanking someone who has been a guide to you in your mothering and stick it in the mail. (You won’t regret it.)