How to let go of a lot of things a little bit

What do electrical tape, monkey costumes and cupcakeshave in common? They facilitate balance.(Read on to find out why.)

At our recent Power of Moms Retreats, we’ve been talking about this new definition of balance, which is “letting go of a lot of things a little bit.”I used to think of balance as adding the correct things into my life –the right foods, exercise, fun, work, service –but the more I add, and add, and add, the more I want to throw in the towel.

It’s one thing to say, “I’m going to become more balanced.”It’s another thing to actually do it.So what does “letting go” look like?Here are a few ideas:

1. Embrace stop-gaps.

When my husband and I were in college, we had a 1989 Camry that was literally falling apart. The starter was having some struggles,and because we didn’t havemuch time or money to spare, we taped ittogether using electrical tape.Every few days, the tape would wear down, sowe’d add another sticky wrap.Although I laugh now, I was mortified at the time.Honestly, we’re TAPING our car together?

Thankfully, our cars work beautifully now, but our lives are still full of stop-gaps. Sometimes it’s rolling the waistline of our son’s pajamas because they’re two inches too long.Other times it’s sticking a bowl on top of the cabinets to catch the leak from the bathtub above.We strategically place rugs over carpet snags or position the hole in the love seat next to the wall.

Stop-gaps are nothing to be ashamed of.Sure, it’s nice to have everything in the home beautifully repaired, but stop-gaps in one area enable progress in others.We finishedour college finals while tapingour Camry together.Icreated a website while my son’s pajamas dragged on the ground.It’s OK.There’s no reason to waste time orenergy worryinghow these kinds of things will “look to the neighbors.”

2. Recognize that Plan B isn’t such a bad thing.

Emi Edgely, one of our Retreat speakers, spoke about the “Plan A” she never got to live.She and her husband struggled with infertility.He suffered a stroke while still in his 20s.Although their realityis beautiful, it isn’t what they planned.She came to realize, however,that her “Plan B” in’t second-best.It’sactuallyjust a different “Plan A.” It can even be considered a “Plan A+.”

I think that’s apowerful way to look at it.

Lacy Anderson, one of our new board members at The Power of Moms,received a handmade cowgirl costume from her talented sister one Halloween.It was perfect for Lacy’s 4-year-old daughter, and Lacy thought it would be extra-perfect if her baby boy was a cow to go along with his sister. (Darling, right?)

For two weeks, she (and the family members she enlisted to help) spent countless hours shopping for the right sized costume, but to no avail.Here’s how she describesher “ah-ha” moment:

I spent the day of our Halloween partyin a city 45 minutes away from my home getting my haircut.My last attempt to buy the costume was supposed to be on our way home.It was pouring rain, and the mall parking lot on Saturday was a nightmare!There were absolutely NO places except for the very last row (which was approximately 1 mile from the mall as per my eyesight calculations).My baby had fallen asleep in his carseat, and waking him seemed too cruel after the day he had had.

I sat in my car, watching the rain, watching the people running to and from cars in the downpour,and realizing that I still had to drive for 45 minutes to get home and then make a pot of chili to take to the party (again, thought I was superwoman when I volunteered for that).I also had to get all of us dressed in our costumes, take pictures and get to the party on time.

I knew that perfect little cow costume was a long shot.

I COULD have dragged my sleeping baby through the rain, waking him up, causing us to be late, rushing my chili, and leaving everyone FRAZZLED,butI let go.

I let go of that picture of my baby cow on his first Halloween with his cowgirl sister.In the back of my mind, I knew I could put the little hand-me-down monkey costume on him, and it would be fine … not adorable, but fine. I drove away from the mall, baby still sleeping.And you know what?I felt fantastic!!!!That stinking cow costume had held me prisoner for weeks.As soon as I let go of it, I felt lighter, happier, like I really was superwoman.I went home with a fully-napped baby, made the best pot of chili I ever had, and took a picture of my cowgirl and her monkey.He was the most adorable monkey I have ever seen!

Is this not a preciousPlan B?

3. Don’t “sign away” your free time.

I know it’s tempting, but all those sports teams, art lessons, children’s choirs, music classes,Girl Scouts and theater groups can quickly take away every nano-second of our family’s down time.Certainly,we want to get our children involved in talent-enriching programs, but there has to come a point wherewe say, “Enough!”

There’s an excellent book on this called “Momfidence,”by Paula Spencer. She helped me see my quiet afternoons for what they really are.Two years ago, I remember coming downstairs around 3 p.m.and thinking, “Am I a terrible mom for not having my children in any extracurricular activities?”As I wallowed in my guilt, I pulled a freshly-baked loaf of zuchinni bread out of the oven,sliced it into thickpieces, and went out on the front lawn with my four children to savor our treat in the sunshine.

Just then, my next-door neighbor came out with three brand new kittens and asked if we wanted to holdthem. We satunder the shade of our tree for about an hour –nibbling our bread and doting on those kittens.I remember looking at my children’sfaces and finally realizing thatquality down time isn’t a cop-out.That’s when we create our best memories.

As I’m learning to let go of things that don’t matter, I’m hoping to create a life that really matters.I’ve been reading a blog called Simple Mom lately, and I am so impressed with Tsh Oxenreider’s perspective on living a good story and setting goals outside ourselves.She says, “Our family’s goal … doesn’t only benefit ourselves. Serving fuels us, as it does with most everybody else, I think. Living for something and Someone other than me is what gets me out of bed in the morning, what makes life worth living.”

It seems like there are “so many things to do,” but really –are there?We often make it much, much harder than it really is. Soour corners aren’t vacuumed, we occasionally eat popcorn for dinner, and our 1-year-old’s birthday bashconsists of cupcakes at the park with whoever happens to be available with 20 minutes ofnotice.